That’s what we heard at the Doctor’s today 🙂 I was very surprised to have heard anything, but it was there within seconds, loud and clear and strong and so very fast. Éowyn was with me, and got to climb up on a chair to watch the Dr. use the Doppler. She lost interest after a few seconds, but she knew we were listening to the baby. I’m not sure how MUCH she understands, but I think she understands enough.
I know it’s lame and boring to bitch about weight when you’re pregnant but hey well, that’s what I do. It does nag at me and it does have an influence – a big influence – on my mood and my self worth. The last month has been hard on the eating front. I had morning sickness, and afternoon sickness, and evening sickness, and middle of the night sickness. But I had to eat – not eating exacerbates the nausea and causes it, and also brings on migraines. Because of the migraines I haven’t been able to drink ANY caffeine. I had a coke and I almost got one after running on none for a week and a half after a headache hit. I was tired with Éowyn and I’m doubly so – or was – with this kid because in addition to having a toddler around (she isn’t hard to parent because I don’t really… try that hard?) and not being able to rest I was taking her out everyday to playgroup which is about a three mile walk, with half of it on gravel roads and a quarter of the way back being up two very steep hills. I’d have to pack groceries up there every other day or so, as well. After that, if she woke up early enough we’d go to the park. Dead. Fucking. Tired. I think I was trying to find that mythical food out there somewhere that would give me the energy I didn’t have. Chocolate. Bread. Pizza. French fries. Bread. Smoked Oysters. Chocolate. Candy. etc etc etc. I’d eat cream of wheat or oatmeal for breakfast with yogurt and then the rest of the day was a fucking free for all. As soon as the nausea lifted when we got home I’d eat *everything* I could get my hands on, until I felt ill all over again. Then I’d nap, and wake up hungry.
I haven’t wanted to eat anything particularly healthy – unless it was raw veggies and dip. Nothing I cooked for us made me happy. I’m a decent cook, and I usually like what I make – the baby ate most of it. I just fucking hated everything I put on the table, and I’d give my beef barley soup to the dog and eat cheez whiz toast for dinner 3 nights running.
The baby has picked up on that a bit. I’m sorry about that, and about the way our routine has been fucked up with the extra time getting home in the afternoon. I’m hoping I can get back into the swing of things once we’re all together.
But yeah I took that picture up there to show my mom and Stephen that at freaking 9 weeks, I looked like that. I’m getting so much exercise – my legs and ass are toned as fuck right now from pushing that kid in her tank up the hills but my gut – god I feel like a schlub and I hate it. I was kind of gratified when they weighed me at the doc’s today and instead of the 158 I was expecting I was 153. And of course when we heard the heart beat she was talking to Éowyn and said that it was nice we got to hear something “because your Mum’s so thin”
When the hell have I ever been thin. I laughed and said it sure didn’t feel like it, that I’d been surviving on mostly bread and chocolate for the last month and she just got a smile on her face and considered for a moment before saying that everything would turn out just fine. It’s nice to hear that from a doc, to hear the relaxed tone and not get a fucking lecture about eating organic foods and making sure your fats are healthy. I still feel pretty big and I’m kind of nervous of seeing Stephen after gaining so much waist circumference since he left – but that’s on me, not on him.
We had someone come to view our house today. I cleaned really well in the morning while Éowyn got to watch *so many* shows, and the house looked fantastico! when we left. I had the windows open to air it out and the blinds open in the kitchen to let the night warm afternoon sun light in. With the toasty cinnamon colour on the walls, the nice faux wood floors (faux wood! it still looks so posh to me after so many years of awful apartment rug!) and cabinets that sun makes the whole place glow.
The real estate agent emailed me a few hours later saying that the woman wanted to put in an offer! So that’s going to be arranged between them tomorrow, and sometime around 4pm we should have the deets in an email. Stephen should be here around 7 o’clock if all goes well on the road (knock knock) and there are no delays, so we’ll figure out what we’ll do with that when he gets here. I’m not sure I want to head out for a visit – although the R.E.A. said it should be fine seeing as the woman doesn’t need to move in by the 1st of March and is thinking rather mid March – as I have to get a certain bunch of tests done in my 10th week of pregnancy (starts Tuesday) and I’d have to find a doc quick, in a different province where I don’t know anything and have to cart my kid around on buses that I don’t know, during the winter, then explain what I need when I’ve no idea if they’ll just LET me go for blood work without knowing anything about me, then I’d need to find the hospital and take the kiddo THERE where it’s huge and unknown…
That kind of stuff is daunting to me. I never truly outgrew my 2-3 year old neophobia phase, maybe.
Stephen and I will talk while he’s here. I want to go spend time with him but if it looks like we’ll be moving soon ANYHOW, then we might end up bunking with his folks for 2-3 weeks while search for an apt/duplex/house ANYWAYS. I don’t really want to over stay my welcome or stretch my nerves. I could wrap up some stuff here – I wanted to get some cooking and baking done for a friend of mine, and I’d like to pack the house a bit more. I’d gladly send the dog off with him so I could clean up the yard. And I’d be here in town to talk w Corinne, not that we’re new to doing things via fax, email, and phone.
Anyways. We’ll see what the offer looks like.
As for miss Éowyn – she is a funny imaginative and precocious wee thing as usual. This morning I turned around thinking that the “Here you go, a try some toast?” was meant for the cat, but no – she was feeding her toast to her egg. She changes her stuffie’s bums, she tells me that she makes grasshoppers out of her hair (they’re dreads, actually, she soothes herself while nursing by playing with her hair and tonight I realized that she’s MAKING things out of her hair, and a snarl is particularly pleasing to her) (which is AWESOME because she just LOVES having me brush the tangles out the next day ). She’s talking in sentences, she’s talking TO children now, playing WITH them, going through a really brutal MINE phase (she saw an airplane in the sky today and pitched a fit because it was “Éowyn’s Airplane! Mine! MINE! AIRPLANE COME *HERE!*”) and is potty training herself.
YES SERIOUSLY. How lucky am I? In the last month – the last MONTH I tell you, I have changed exactly ONE dirty diaper. That’s it – she LOVES the potty now, and she uses the big ones when we’re away from home too – not just for poops, but for pees which is great. So great – and she’s doing it at her pace, and because she WANTS to. I was wondering how to go about “training” her and I know for some parents that’s how it is, I’m not gonna start waxing all crunchy about potty LEARNING and blah de blah – but dang. We never pushed it. Every time I’d start showing her potty to her, she’d try a bit but get upset and just stop pooping, so I’d stop as soon as I saw she wasn’t receptive. I was wondering if I was just being lazy and then boop – alla sudden she’s on it. I’m so proud of her.
She’ll be 3 when the baby is born. Imagine what she’ll be like then. I’ve been looking into preschools and gymnastics and soccer programs for her – and I’m so excited to think of my social wee bumble butt getting out and meeting so many new people and getting to use her body and mind for so many new things. For her – it’ll be a good thing getting out when the baby is born I think.
It will be something of her OWN, and not a pushing-you-out-of-the-nest thing. I’m sure of it, and I’m so glad I’ve always been able to take her to playgroup and that she’s had such great experiences there with all the parents and children.
Well. I dunno, this might be the last I blog for a bit. Lots of change in the air, but that’s nothing new for the last while, is it 🙂 I’m feeling pretty lucky these days.
Last sleep without my husband! I’m really looking forward to seeing the kid’s reaction when she sees him again. She’s been asking about him!