Whiskey Jac

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you know what? February 3, 2011

Filed under: gives me hope — whiskeyjac @ 5:37 am

i got nothin. not even the energy to capitalize.

when i was pregnant with Éowyn i worked 6 days a week, walked, even joined curves. that sounds like a lot but what i remember the most was just vegging the fuck out on the couch and watching BSG with Stephen for 9 months.
i was so tired.
i never got sick! i got nauseated when i got hungry (which was all the time, i ate A LOT and oh my god it was the best eating of my LIFE putting food in my mouth was like a HIGH. the baby used to kick and punch at the first sign of a meal – with JOY, *JOY*!) (she hasn’t changed much!) and when i got heartburn but it weren’t no thang.
NOW
oh now i know what the energy low is. i’m walking everywhere – about 3 miles a day and the last leg of it is up a really steep mfing hill with a 30 pound toddler in a 15lb stroller, and the last leg has been completed with 20lbs of groceries on my back for the last 3 rounds. i’m not super mom by any means – she loves her shows and she watches them in the morning, it’s her routine. we have breakfast, we get dressed, she gets her shows – Zoboomafoo, Dora, Diego, Blues Clues, That Annoying Fucking Elmo Movie, Franklin – whatever she feels like (and what we’ve approved) from our Netflix menu. Then we’re off to playgroup because omg it’s the only socializing we both get. I have to get her out of the house to be around kids and new toys and other people – and, wonder of wonders *I* need to be around other people, too. THANK GOD for playgroup.

did i mention that i’m not super mom? the house is reasonably clean. but it’s messy most of the time, so totally not ready for a VIEWING. holy fuck. And i’ve been thinking about that – how long does a viewing take? son of a bitch, i have to get the place tidy from whatever we’re doing, get the kid dressed and out the door into the cold, figure out where the hell to go with her for an hour or two?!? jesus h christ, there is NO WHERE interesting to go. we can go to A&W and have hotchocolate. we can wander around fields, maybe ride the carousel in the plaza. walk down to the rec center when the library might be closed and nothing open? hhh. we could do it all but it wouldn’t be fun. anyways the house isn’t fucking CLEAN AND READY FOR A VIEWING.

THE DOG SHIT. in the yard. this dog he’s cute, but he shits everywhere. and it’s not fun trying to clean up dog crap when you are sick with fetus. no.

i just realized my garbage cans are still sitting at the top of the driveway from garbage pick up on tuesday.

i… hhh.

it’s not horrible! we’re doing well! i’m not saying it’s SO HARD, just saying… i’m not killing it. i’m not super mom. i’m not awesome mom. i’m wow, you got through the day and you cleaned the toilet and made soup and read books and let the kid watch 3 fucking hours of t.v. and played ball and yelled at her 3 times and checked facebook 10 times and got the kid dressed and brushed her teeth before bed.
i’m… bare bones basic mom.

i’ll take it.

now i’m going to go to bed.

wasn’t this just a stellar piece of writing?

i can’t fucking wait to see stephen again. i can’t wait to go visit and have someone else around to play with the kid. there are going to be the annoyances that come with living with other people, some of whom are very unlike me and who can grate on my nerves as i’m sure i grate on theirs, different schedules – but there is going to be family for Éowyn, Stephen for me, a bedroom that i can go into ALONE while the child is AWAKE, little kids for her to play with ALL DAY LONG and maybe JUST MAYBE! i will be able to go to walmart for an hour or two and buy some new bras.

and a week after we come back home, i’ll be into the 2nd trimester! and maybe a little more resilient and likely to wash my floors before bed, the end.

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