Whiskey Jac

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RAGE’o’HOL September 7, 2010

Filed under: parenting,WORRYWARTSAREVERYUNSIGHTLY — whiskeyjac @ 3:33 pm

So Éowyn is 2. If you look at the dragon to the right of this text you’ll see exactly HOW 2 she is, but it doesn’t really matter. She’s 2 and from what most parents say that means tantrums.

Whether it’s because they’re starting to want to be more independant but can’t be, because their language is taking off, but not fast enough for them to make themselves as understood as they would like to be – tantrums.

It is especially bad because she wants to go OUT all the time – but doesn’t always like to listen to me when we’re out there. There is glass on the ground, cars on the road, cliffs full of rocks to run down, and she.will.not.listen. And she screams. She screams like I am DOING SOMETHING TO HER. It freaks me out, it sucks for the people who are on our little walk’s route – to always hear that screaming kid – and it sucks for her as she comes home hoarse, snotty, sad, and MAD SO MAD.

I’ve never really disciplined her. I mean, time outs? No. And talking *rationally* to a 2 year old, well. It can happen but not when they’re throwing themselves on the floor and screaming so hard they gag.

Last night we went out for a walk. She wanted her boooooots and she wanted to go outsiiiiiiii really badly so… we did. I cleaned the dinner off of her, got her dressed warmly, and went out for a walk in her carriage – I was ready to PLAY but in the yard, maybe even go to the park with her but by the time we got to the park it was almost 8:00pm and it looked like rain was encroaching from two sides. So we walked past it. I AM SO SURE you know how that went down. When we got home she was inconsolable, trying to put her boots on, screaming, banging on the door, leaking rage from various orifices, looking at me like I’d tried to use hot pliers on her.

So I put her in her room and closed the door and set the egg timer for five and sat down at the table.

And it was so strange. I kept thinking – this is exactly. what your mother. used to hear. Exactly. All my life I’ve heard stories of my temper and stubborness and drama. I mean. (Not that I don’t still bring the temper and drama.) How strange and yet cool to sit at the table and hear my two year old daughter/self be a crazy monster.

After 5 minutes I went in with some books. She saw that I’d brought in the Jillian Jiggs and snuffled herself into quiet and put her snot saturated blankets on the bed and tried to flatten them out. I helped her, then we got on the bed and read her books. Then we had milk. Then she went to bed. And it’s 8:30am – she’s still sleeping.

I’m winging it. I’ve never read anything about parenting a kid this old. I read some books when she was new – a few months old. But after that… I stopped. None of them helped – with the rare and wonderful exception of a book be the eminent Mssr. Dr. Ferber and thank you again *so much* Julie for recommending it – they all made me second guess myself and my kid. I guess time out in your room is ok. I don’t know how much it teaches her at this age, but it puts a cap on the rage, at least. And then I can go in and act like nothing happened and do something calm with her and tell her I love her.

I feel for her, I really do. But man – I’m so tired of trying to do nice things with her and having it end in screams and tears and failings no matter WHAT. I hope this passes quickly.


4 Responses to “RAGE’o’HOL”

  1. Catherine Says:

    Well as far as I am concerned you did exactly the right thing.
    Yes it will pas. Then she will be twelve and oh boy oh boy!!

  2. 1001petals Says:

    In the Happiest Toddler on the Block, if it matters at all, they have a lot of great advice that’s worked for us. The main one, to quell tantrums, is to just get down and relate to them in as basic language as possible. “You are so mad! You wanted to go to the park!” etc. This calms down V in seconds.

    • whiskeyjac Says:

      ah, V – yes that is a good one and not to shoot you down but we do do that with Éowyn. but it doesn’t QUELL HER RAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!! I think maybe when she is older? how are you? and when is little Oliver due?!

  3. 1001petals Says:

    I can imagine it totally wouldn’t work for all kids and some situations. They really are all so different, aren’t they. Figured it was worth a shot in case you hadn’t heard of it (it was a total revelation to me :)) Btw, when V misbehaves we do time-outs too. But most of the time the very threat of a time-out is enough for her to stop what she’s doing. I count down from 5 and then time-out it is. These days I only get to 4 or 3, thankfully!

    Oliver is due Oct.24th — so soon! It’ll be exciting to see how different (or alike?) he is to V. I already know they look exactly the same from the 3D ultrasound. It would be convenient if they had similar personalities so I wouldn’t have to figure everything out all over again 🙂

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